His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
