I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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