we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
