Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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