I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
