There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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