she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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