After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
