is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
