2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
