think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
