I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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