yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
