There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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