put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
