Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize