You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
