Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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