is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
