Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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