Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
