Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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