I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
