I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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