Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize