I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
