you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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