theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
