He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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