I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
