Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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