my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
