the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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