just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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