I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
