I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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