I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
