i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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