Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
