Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
pray to the hookup gods
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
