Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
