Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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