Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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