I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
