Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
