Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it glows. i had to have it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
