Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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