So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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