So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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