When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
God, I missed his penis.
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