turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
