this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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